Balance of Forces
In my early twenties, before I met my wife, I was looking to find love. I'd alternate in cycles between throwing myself out on the market (and therefore looking unattractively desperate) and going out hunting for someone to be with (equally unattractive, it seems).
I finally realised that either way I wasn't really putting ME out there, but a sort of charicature, and that anyone I did find would like the caricature and not necessarily me. So I just decided to be me and wait for it, and it happened.
It's a principle that I've gradually worked out suits me. I can't feel comfortable going out and shaking life by the throat, because anything that falls falls to someone else, and when I revert to being me I'm no longer comfortable with it.
So, with finding a direction. Nothing occurs to me at the moment, and though it feels a little awry, I shall wait for a direction to come to me. I'll keep trying new things, but I'm not going to throw myself into anything drastic until inspiration strikes.
I finally realised that either way I wasn't really putting ME out there, but a sort of charicature, and that anyone I did find would like the caricature and not necessarily me. So I just decided to be me and wait for it, and it happened.
It's a principle that I've gradually worked out suits me. I can't feel comfortable going out and shaking life by the throat, because anything that falls falls to someone else, and when I revert to being me I'm no longer comfortable with it.
So, with finding a direction. Nothing occurs to me at the moment, and though it feels a little awry, I shall wait for a direction to come to me. I'll keep trying new things, but I'm not going to throw myself into anything drastic until inspiration strikes.
posted by Moghal at
12:18 PM
2 Comments:
You might want to read this and give it a try. Shouldn't take you long, and it's not about trying something, it's about feeling something. Feeling it though, could have a positive effect on what you want to do and which direction you should take.
Of course, if you don't want to do it, you might want to look at the possibility that you're afraid of finding your direction, because that'll mean you actually have to do something at a time you don't want to. ;-)
By
Alan Howard, at Mon Jan 16, 05:26:00 PM
I'm not a big believer in the modern psychology trend for assuming that so many things come down to fear, but even so I don't think this is a fear of anything.
I'd like a direction to grow in, I'd like to get moving again, pushing myself forward to something... more than I am now. I just don't have any driving passion for anything right now. It's a lack, I think, not a fear.
By
Moghal, at Tue Jan 17, 10:17:00 AM
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